Friday, May 3, 2019

Out In The World

Every day on my way to work and then back home from work I see people out in the world.
They look like they are having fun, doing things, living lives. 

I want to be out in the world. I want to be having fun. I want to live a life. 
But then again, no I don't. Not really. 

Such is the dichotomy of my life. I see people being people. I wonder what it's like to be a person. Yet when the opportunity to be a person comes along, I run screaming for the hills. Willing to do anything to not have to be a person.

It's no secret to anyone who actually knows me, not that there are many that do, that I am a very shy, very introverted person. I can enjoy the company of one person, and I do. However, when there is more than one other person I start to back off, fade into the background as it were. You get more than a few people around and I will go find a quiet corner and stay out of sight until I can leave.

You would think that feeling that way, I would not want to "be out in the world" and I guess I don't. But I do. I want to be out in the world. I want to be able to enjoy being around people. Well, some people anyway. I am just not very good at it and it's exhausting.

I can force myself to socialize, to interact at parties, gatherings, whatever. I do sometimes because I have to. Everyone has birthday parties, weddings, funerals, other gatherings you just can't back out of. Still, other times I just want to be in that place, and the fact that there are ten thousand other people who also want to be there is something I have to try and deal with. Like the Motor City Comic Con, for example, I love to be there, I hate to be there. I spend a couple hours looking around and a day and a half recovering from it.

Sometimes I enjoy it though. I have met some really great people in situations that I wouldn't have, given the choice, normally gone to. The problem is I am rarely at my best in these situations, social interactions are not one of my strong suits. You need something fixed, build, coded, configured, engineered, I am your man. You want small talk that doesn't insult or otherwise offend someone you best find somebody else.

It's the same way with friends. I know I have written about friendship too many times in the past already, but I think that says something. I have read time and time again that humans are social animals. We need interactions, others of our kind, to be healthy. Normally I scoff at those notions. More and more I have begun to realize that it's true. Probably more so for some than others, but true nevertheless. I am beginning to feel this one a lot more than I used to.

Somewhat coincidentally, as I was trying to find a way to finish this post, I came across this post by Allyson Dinneen that ties in very nicely. If you get a second take a look at it. You will only need a second really -  Human Brain 

I found Allyson through one of the artists I support on Patreon, Shanna Germain, If you have more than a second you should check out her work. Support her on Patreon as well if you can. Her body of work encompasses so much awesome that I can't begin to cover it here. Do yourself a favor and take a look. 

This seems like as good a way to finish as any I was coming up with. I kinda rode this one off the rails there toward the end. 

Till next time.

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